Rewrite Your Story: Paradigms

So how do you change? How do you put into place that which you feel you were created for? Some of us are living the lives we want, others aren’t. We had dreams or goals and somewhere along the way that was derailed. Maybe from sickness, maybe from responsibility of staying in a stable job to provide income for your family and now you feel stuck, etc… for whatever the reason, you’re not living the life you dreamed of. Or maybe you are… but there is something inside you that’s missing… you’re not “happy”. You still feel empty inside. Or you feel you’r not really living for yourself.

For me, I broke everything down to the most basic elemental thing. Where do my decisions come from? Why do I do what I do? My feelings, where do they come from? This is complex and certainly won’t be tackled here, however I believe the most fundamental building block of ourselves starts with our world view, how we see the world and ourselves. Another-words, what paradigm drives you? A paradigm creates the view of how you see the world, it’s the lens of your eye, and they are inseparable from your character. Your paradigm is the key to changing yourself, your very being.

“For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.”

-Henry David Thoreau

Steven Covey called this the Principle Centered Paradigm in that your very basic actions are based off the fundamental values of your character or principles that you live life by. For example, fairness, service, honesty, long suffering, commitment, hard work, empathy, integrity, forgiveness, etc… these characteristics or values become the bedrock of how you live your life, whether you realize it or not, how you perceive and understand the world is what is driving you subconsciously. So in order to create a shift, or a quantum leap in thinking, behavior, action, attitude…you have to define your values. This will be the road map for your life at the very basic level. This is the bedrock and cornerstone of your future whether you realize it or not.

So this is short and sweet and really is simple as that. In a previous post I said to imagine what your funeral would be like and what the speakers would say about you once you’ve left this earth. We all would want nice things said about ourselves, well, most of us anyways. “He was a kind man. He always helped me out. He was the sweetest person.” “Always there when I needed him." Etc… When I implemented this practice and really thought about it, it helped me to identify the things that were important to me and then gave me the road map to creating myself into who I want to be and become. I try and work on one new value/virtue a day and build from that. Sometimes I have to take a whole week to work on just one, because I’m not always successful in one day. I’ve also given some of Benjamin Franklin’s thirteen virtues a read as well and suggest you check that out. You can Google it.

If you find yourself struggling or resisting to change for whatever reason then maybe a few suggestions. Start small. Big changes can feel intimidating, so we can break them down into tiny manageable steps:

• Instead of committing to a complete lifestyle change all at once, start with a small, daily action. I started with making my bed every morning after I woke up.

• If you want to build integrity then commit to following through on one promise a day, even if it’s as small as returning a call or text on time.

Try to identify the root cause of resistance. If you can understand the why then you can see the how.

• Am I afraid of failure or judgment?

• Why do I feel unworthy?

• Why did I react like that?

• Why did this make me feel etc?

If we can identify, this helps us to hone in on how to correct it.

Try cognitive reframing. This involves rewiring your brain and your mindset. Instead of seeing change as being scary, see it as an experiment instead. An adventure! Shift from “I have to do this” to “I get to do this.” And when you see yourself in negativity, catch the negative self-talk and replace that with affirmations. “I can do this.” “I am capable of this.” “I am loved.” Or you can list and name all the things you a grateful for in your life.

These are all small things that I have implemented that have helped me tremendously in my healing journey. I encourage you to try them out, even if you’re skeptical… you might just find that they’ll help you in the same way they helped me.

These values are the basic building blocks of who you are. Spend time identifying them and then place them into practice as best you can. You do this enough, then your decisions and actions in life will become second nature and you’ll be on your way to building/creating a new you. It’s a journey. A marathon.

Peace!