Gratitude: Overcoming Negativity

For whatever reason in my life I have always been inherently a negative person when it comes to internal dialogue, more specifically about myself. Whenever I make a mistake, inside I would be telling myself “you’re so stupid”, “why did you do it like that”, or “you’ll never be good enough”. I’m not sure exactly where this internal dialogue would come from, however I was always harsh on myself. I didn’t realize at the time, I was setting myself up for disaster and disappointment later on in life, just by doing this. I was inherently shaping “myself”.

"Our self-talk is the conversation we have with the universe. Be mindful of what you’re creating." – David Goggins

What I didn’t realize is that I was creating “myself”. I was forming, with my thoughts, who I was becoming and going to be. It affected everything in my life and how I interacted with my outside world. Negative self talk was a virus that was consuming me, like a cancer overtaking me. I truly believe we are what we think if we think it enough. It will form us, shape us, even without us knowing anything about it. I personally believe this is a part of where the victim mentality comes from. If I always respond in a negative way towards actions that happen to me that are outside my control, then I hurt myself in the end and have found I can’t overcome the wall that is in front of me. So I stay stuck in the pit of negativity, unable to get out. Therefore it becomes a rotating wheel of an echo chamber that I can’t get out of.

"A man is what he thinks about all day long." – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This quote highlights the idea that our thoughts shape our identity, actions, and reality. It aligns with the philosophy that focusing on positive, constructive ideas can lead to a fulfilling life, while dwelling on negativity can have the opposite effect. I learned that I have to break the cycle in the very moment. Stephen Covey, in his influential book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, emphasized the importance of responding rather than reacting. His core idea revolves around the concept of proactivity, which is Habit 1 in his framework.

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

This statement underscores the idea that humans have the unique ability to pause, reflect, and consciously choose their actions instead of being impulsively driven by external stimuli or emotions. Which means that in the moment, after I feel my feelings, I have a choice to either react, which is a passive approach, or I can respond, which is an empowering choice.

So now, I practice the empowering choice of gratitude whenever a negative thought enters my mind. When I start to groan about work, I’ll say to myself something like “I get to go to work to earn money to support myself and loved ones. Some people don’t have jobs or insurance”. Or when I want to flip someone off in traffic, I’ll say “I’m thankful that I have a vehicle that works and drives me to places.” Or when I have to pay bills, I'll say, "I'm thankful for my job and the ability to pay the gas bill so I have a warm home to stay in." You get the idea. I intentionally find something to be grateful for and repeat those things over and over again, and I soon find that my negativity resolves and is turned into positive thinking. Covey also linked this concept to the Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern, urging people to focus on what they can control (responses, attitudes, and actions) rather than reacting to things outside their control. By learning to respond instead of react, Covey believed individuals could develop emotional intelligence, strengthen relationships, and achieve greater personal and professional effectiveness.

Practicing gratitude is a powerful tool for shifting focus away from negative thoughts and inward dialogue. When we consciously recognize and appreciate the positive aspects of our lives, no matter how small, it rewires our brain to focus on abundance rather than scarcity. This practice creates a mental habit of looking for the good, which can gradually drown out the repetitive and often exaggerated negativity of our inner critic. For instance, taking time to write down three things you are grateful for each day helps redirect mental energy toward what is working well in your life, reducing the power and frequency of self-critical thoughts.

Furthermore, gratitude fosters a sense of connection and perspective, which can neutralize negative thought spirals. By acknowledging the support, kindness, or opportunities we’ve received, we shift our focus outward, reducing feelings of isolation or inadequacy. Gratitude also reframes challenges as opportunities for growth or learning, helping to break the cycle of rumination. Over time, this mindset becomes a buffer against negativity, promoting resilience and a more optimistic outlook. As we train our minds to recognize and celebrate the good, we cultivate a more compassionate and empowering inner dialogue.

I believe we all can benefit from this method of thinking. I know that I’ve spent enough time being negative and have found that practicing gratefulness every day is at least one way that I can combat this cancer of the soul.